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For more information visit HammeredRecovery.com or e-mail me at justin@hammeredrecovery.com
Types of AA Meetings
- Open/Closed
- Male/Female
- Big Book
- Step
- Speaker
- Discussion
- Combo
What is a relapse?
Stages of Relapse = TRIGER(Emotional) – THOUGHT(Mental) – CRAVING (Physical) – USE
- Like it or not, the first stage of relapse is emotional, so in order for us to become more aware of the warning we need to understand our feelings and emotions a little better.
- We may believe it’s impossible to understand, predict or control our emotional responses to people or events, however, feelings and emotions are not magical. They are part of being human and we can learn how to Think about our feelings in a way that makes it less likely that we will be Ruled by what we feel.
Feelings
- Learning to “deal” with feelings.
- Accepting they are normal.
- Understanding that thoughts or ideas may influence feelings.
- Talking about it helps.
- Most people will gladly express their Opinions and Thoughts on a subject, but not their Feelings or Emotions.
- As a society it seems we have learned that feelings and emotions should be suppressed and denied.
- Don’t get mad.
- There’s no reason to be upset.
- Don’t be a cry baby.
- Calm down.
- You shouldn’t feel that way.
- The inability to recognize and identify our feelings can cause problems.
- Effects our ability to communicate honestly and assertively with people.
- When we don’t have an avenue for dealing with our feelings openly, we may attempt to “medicate” those feelings that trouble us with drugs and alcohol.
- Medication wears off, but the feelings remain.
- What are Feelings and emotions?
- Physical Responses
- Sweaty palms, increased blood pressure, increased adrenaline, and blood sugar (Fight or Flight)
- Many emotions have similar physical characteristics. Angry/Embarrassed
- Need to be able to ask “what am I feeling right now” we can become aware of a physical response to a situation.
- Nonverbal Responses
- We communicate most of what we are feeling Nonverbally
- Gestures, facial expressions, tone, loudness, eye contact, distance
- In order to communicate effectively, it’s important to be aware of how we communicate nonverbally. Nonverbal communication is often more powerful and believed more than the words
- Your upset… NO I AM NOT!
- When there is confusion between what you are saying, and your body language people go with the body language.
- We communicate most of what we are feeling Nonverbally
- Feelings have a physical side; in that we can feel them in our bodies.
- We also communicate feelings with our bodies, whether we are aware of doing so or not.
- Nonverbal communication is one of the most important ways we communicate.
- Awareness of these things is the first step in learning to use our feelings constructively.
- Pay attention to what your body tells you, especially wen it comes to uncomfortable feelings like anger, jealousy, resentment, anxiety.
- Awareness gives you a tool to use for taking some deep beaths to calm down.
- Also pay attention to the things you do to communicate your feelings without words.
- It may not be fair, but we have turned certain body languages into signs of us drinking.
- Eye contact
- Not getting things done
- Couch
- It’s important to realize the impact that certain thoughts and ideas may have on our feelings and emotional states.
- Important to learn to recognize ideas and Thinking Patterns that lead to negative or uncomfortable feelings or Mind Traps.
- These mind traps can wear us down and keep us emotionally upset. Often we may not even realize our thinking is causing bad feelings.
- Example if I create a mind trap that says I MUST ALWAYS BE LIKED BY EVERYONE I MEET IN LIFE, then I have set myself us for a lot of negative and unhappy feelings.
- It’s not realistic to think everyone in the world MUST like me and as long as I carry that idea around in my head, (mind trap) I’ll be disappointed and unhappy on a regular basis.
- Mid Traps, or unrealistic thinking patterns, can threaten recovery efforts because of the emotional turmoil they produce.
- One solution is to learn to challenge these Mind Traps, but in order to do so we must first become aware of what the thoughts Sound like.
- One solution is to challenge these thinking patterns, but first we must become aware of what the thoughts Sound like when they run through our heads. Once aware, we can “catch” ourselves and redirect our thinking in a more positive direction.
- Mike Traps are Learned ways of reacting to events in life, much like other patterns or habits.
- The Blame Trap: We get caught in the Blame Trap when we refuse to take responsibility for our decisions and our actions. In stead we try to make others responsible.
- He’s making me mad.
- She made me do it.
- IT’s not my fault I slipped up.
- He’s the one that brought the alcohol.
- It’s your fault things are not working out.
Challenge with I am responsible for my feelings and my actions. Blaming others keeps me from having to look at my part. I may have an emotional reaction to someone’s Behavior, but I am responsible for how I respond. Others may ask me to do things, or offer me opportunities, but no one is responsible for my decisions except me.
- The Helpless Trap: we get caught in the Helpless Trap when we think and act like we are victims of circumstance and there’s nothing we can do to solve our problems.
- I can’t handle this.
- There’s nothing I can do.
- I’ll never be able to get out of this.
Challenge with: What has happened is unfortunate (or annoying, irritating, unpleasant, frustrating), but wit is not the end of the world. I don’t like it, but I can handle it. I know this too shall pass. On a scale of 1 to 10, how large is this problem really? What are my options for handling this problem? Just because I’ve been disappointed in the past doesn’t mean I can never succeed. If I don’t’ at least try, I’ll never know what could have been.
- The Catastrophe Trap: We get caught in the Catastrophe Trap when we exaggerate even our smallest troubles, turning them into major crises. In another version of this trap, we convince ourselves that everything we attempt will be doomed to failure.
- I can’t cope with this, it’s just too awful.
- I’ll never get over this.
- There’s no way I can change, so why bother.
- Even if I apply for the job, I won’t get it.
- I don’t see why I should stay in treatment; I’ll probably not make it.
- The Guilt Trap: WE get caught in this trap when we have thoughts that are unfairly harsh and critical about ourselves. We may think we are responsible for external events or for other people’s feelings and actions. Or we may think anything we do that is short of perfection makes us a bad person.
- I should have done a better job.
- If I were a better person I’d call my mother more often.
- It’s my fault my husband it so unhappy.
- I’m so stupid.
- I should have remembered my appointment.
Challenge with: I am a human being. Human beings make mistakes and are not perfect. I am not obligated to be perfect, only to do the best I can. I will not call myself harsh, critical names, instead I will say “I’m imperfect and I make mistakes, just like everyone else. I am not responsible for everything that goes wrong.”
- The All or Nothing Trap: We get caught in the All or Nothing Trap when we overact to people or events by assuming they are Totally one way or totally the other. WE label things as good-bad, black, white, yes-no, success-failure, either-or, and ignore the full range of possibilities in between.
- He’s always late.
- She never can get it right.
- I’m always in a hurry.
- The whole dinner is ruined because…
Challenge with: Am I being honest? Am I being fair? Am I overreacting? I know he Often is late, but that’s different than always. I know she sometimes makes mistakes, but that’s different than never getting it right. AM I really Always in a hurry? Just because One Thing is not quite right, that doesn’t mean the whole Thing is wrong.