The Newcomer – a blog by Ryan G

We’re glad your hear!

It’s said all the time in AA and NA, “The newcomer is the most important person at any meeting”.  When you’re fresh out of rehab, or going to your first meeting, its hard to hear that and believe that it could be true.  You’re sitting in a room full of strangers, most of whom know each other, and they’re talking easily about sobriety and day to day life.  They’re smiling and laughing.  Meanwhile, you’re nervous, anxious, and feel about as small as a mouse.  The meeting starts and you shyly state your name when its your turn.  You don’t really want to share, but when its your turn everyone is staring at you and you feel obligated to say something.  So you blurt out something quick, maybe that you just got out of treatment, or just decided to try meetings as a way to get out of your funk.  Then, like magic, it happens.  You hear “Welcome!” or “Glad you’re here!”. 

Much needed perspective

These strangers are smiling at you, not with pity, but with support.  A couple of the old-timers might mention how necessary it is for them to hear from the newcomer, it gives them perspective, reminds them of where they started and how they got to where they are.  Suddenly you feel more like a part of the group and less like a party crasher.  After the meeting, these strangers come up to you and ask how you’re doing, offer to chat or have a cup of coffee.  They’ll recommend other meetings in the area or opportunities for fellowship.  You realize you didn’t need to be scared or nervous to show up tonight.

We’re all on the same path

I’ve only got 9 months sober, so I don’t consider my self an old-timer yet.  But I’ve gone to enough meetings that I feel like an old-timer sometimes.  I can recognize the newcomer as soon as they walk in.  I had the same deer in the headlights look, the nervous fidgeting, the out of place feeling that I don’t belong here.  When that was me, the others in the group reached out and helped.  It was a very quick transition from scared and nervous to welcome and included.  Its a little shocking that someone with 10 years clean is so interested in hearing about how life is going for someone fresh out of treatment, but it is as important for them as it was for me.  We all have the same problem and we’re all seeking the same outcome.  The amount of time we’ve spent doing it really isn’t that important, what’s important is that we’re all on the same path.