About
I started HammeredRecovery after spending 28 days in Hazelden Center City, MN. Before my time at Hazelden I virtually had zero experience dealing with treatment or recovery. I admit I still don’t have all the answers now, but what I have learned thus far I know can help others, and everything else we will learn TOGETHER!
Admitting I had a problem with alcohol was a very difficult time, made more difficult by me not knowing what I should do next. I was willing to try anything, except inpatient treatment. To me inpatient was for the real alcoholics. I am here to say that everything I tried before checking into Hazelden was a waste of time. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and as far as I was concerned, they may as well have been speaking a different language. Inpatient, gave me the baseline knowledge I needed to make sense of everything else and I want to share that will others and invite others to share their experiences as well. We all deserve to live our best life!
Healthy. Happy. Sober.
Justin Hammerback
Meet Your host
Justin Hammerback
My Story
I am Justin, founder of HammeredRecovery and I am an alcoholic. Feels good to say! For years, I have been able to convince myself otherwise, but looking back now, I realized I was just really, really, good at making it look like I did not have a problem. Not just to others, but to myself as well. It was not until recently, when I finally admitted it, that I realized how much of a mental, emotional, and physical burden it has been. Finally having the courage to admit to myself, and then to others, that I was an alcoholic has been an unimaginable turning point in my life.
As recently as December of 2020 I was so caught up in a web of lies, I did not know where to turn, or what to do next. It was becoming more and more obvious to me that I had a problem and needed help, but I had a family, a successful career, and friends who I felt could never understand. I was in way too deep and the only thing I knew was how to lie myself out of it. First to me, and then to everyone else.
Just before Christmas 2020, it started to all come crashing down. At this point, my family was on to me. How could they not be? I now know this is a progressive disease and it had finally progressed to the point I no longer could hide or control. My wife was on to me. My kids were on to me. My boss was on to me. This had to be the wakeup call I needed. I thought all I needed to do to solve it was, I just needed to stop drinking, fake my way through the Holiday’s and start fresh after the New Year. Everything was going to be just fine. Instead, I drank even more. I thought that was the only clear choice I had.
Fast forward a few weeks, my wife had finally had enough, and had now involved my extended family. However, being the great salesman I am, I convinced myself this was just what I needed and to enter a plea bargain with everyone. I admitted out loud that I had a drinking problem, but I most certainly did not need to go to treatment. That was for alcoholics! Instead, I would look into what AA had to offer and commit to IOP. I continued to drink.
I was now in a bind. I had already played the AA/IOP card and continued to drink, much to my family’s dismay. At this point I thought to myself, I know I can stop; I just need to buy myself more time. My solution, was to continue IOP, hand my wife my credit cards/cash and buy a breathalyzer. This was failsafe. I no longer have money, and no one can beat a breathalyzer. I was not even going to try. I knew I could stop, but this was the obstacle I needed to regain the trust of my wife and prove it to myself. Never underestimate the power of a determined alcoholic.
On January 11th, 2021 I admitted to myself I was an alcoholic and on January 15th, 2021 I checked myself into Hazelden Center City for 28 days. This began my road to recovery and believe me it has not been easy. I now know this disease is Cunning, Baffling, and Powerful and it wants to kill you.
I have now found a level of happiness in my life I never imagined. I feel such a level of happiness and freedom that I want to walk along with others on their journey too. Those that have been down this path before, and those who are just starting out like me.
Stop the lies. Admit that you have a problem and feel that crippling weight lifted off your shoulders. Breathe! You are worth it and the sooner you admit it the sooner you can start living life! Healthy. Happy. Sober.
Meet the contributors
My name is Heidi Hammerback. I am a Mom, Wife, (Justin’s Wife), Teacher, and Friend, and probably in that order. In putting Mom first on the list, we have 2 kids, Reagan who is 13, and Henry who is 9. In life, I admittedly do put my kids 1st, over being a wife, but I must say, being Justin’s wife, is a role that I am very proud of also. Justin and I met in Jr. High School, started dating throughout High School/College and celebrated 21 years of marriage this year!! Having known each other that long, you would think we know everything there is to know about each other, but over the past year, we have grown closer than we’ve ever been. Through recovery, he has taught me so much, I have learned so much about myself, our family, and we have talked about things, never talked about. It by no means has been easy, we have had our struggles along the way, and our recovery continues. However, it is crazy to think that going through the tough stuff, made us that much stronger. That something as awful as addiction can transform to something so awesome, to a life of recovery. I truly believe that God had a hand in this, and we have grown in our faith as well.
I like to refer to it as “Our Recovery” because ALL of our lives have changed for the better. I hope that my writing can encourage other wives /spouses/friends/loved ones of someone in recovery. This ironically encourages me in return, and by supporting Justin through his HammeredRecovery.com program in any way I can, will also in turn, allow me to be a better Mom, Wife, Teacher and Friend in “Our” recovery. Please reach out at any time with questions and comments.
Although it took me 4 years to figure it out, I am a standard Alcoholic. There is nothing special about my story, I haven’t done anything someone else hasn’t. But, I am one of the lucky ones. I am one of the ones that has figured out, there is no easier softer way. I live in ND with my wife and kids and two dogs. I hope you read what I write and can relate. For me, that is what is important about the fellowship, knowing I am not alone. That is also what keeps me sober. Knowing someone is doing what I used to do at the very moment you are reading this.
I want to offer hope. You may have been kicked hard. You may get kicked harder, but there is a day that is worth it.
